How to Keep Going When the Bottom Drops Out

Often I am asked and sometimes I have to ask myself, “How do you keep going when the bottom drops out?”

When you get the wind knocked out of you so hard, you can’t get your rhythm back to breath. You stagger. You pout. You scream at God. You blame, sulk, cry, whine, and maybe you do something right, like pray. So what are you left with?

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and…damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.”
― Elizabeth Taylor

That’s essentially it. From the famous to the obscure, you just do it. Just do it! Geez, I sound like a tennis shoe…

However, for those who like this simple concept broken down into life-size chunks, let’s do this:

How to Keep Going

1. Go ahead and fall down and have a “Floor Moment.” We all do it. You do it. Catch your breath, see if anything is broken (including your heart) and get orientated. I’ve worked and volunteered in healthcare for most of my life. I’ve seen some nasty falls. Some, never got up from them. Never. But the ones who did, took a moment to have that “Floor Moment” then a nurse will come over, assess the patient, get some vitals and ask them this very important question, “Are you ready to get up?” The nurse doesn’t just yank the people off the floor without finding out if they are ready. Why this moment? Because if you don’t have a moment to reorientate yourself, you will be back on the floor faster than you know. Take a cue from the nurse and get some vitals. What this really means is:

• Taking some time to assess what got you here. Is this an addiction issue? Did you allow someone to enable you? Was it just a bad choice? Where your goals not realistic for this stage of your life?
• Where “here” is. Where are you? Back in the hospital? Living with relatives or a friends? Jail? Homeless Shelter? Or is it even a physical place? Is it depression, intoxication, in an abusive relationship, are you listening to that same old self talk?
• And how best to get outta here! If you don’t like where you are…get out! This also requires goals and objectives, planning priorities and boundaries. See my other posts for just how to do that.

2. What have you got? What did you lose when you fell? What are you left with? Don’t say, “Nothing.” Because very few people that I’ve treated actually have just that…nothing. More than likely, you have family, friends, a job, a place to live and health. However, in some cases when some people fall, they burn their last bridge, spend their last dime and screwed their health so bad, they almost have nothing left. Almost. If you have anything, it’s often some degree of health and with that you can start over, rebuild with what you have and begin again. Are you humiliated? Sure, that’s a natural reaction to any kind of fall. Most people don’t look to good flat on their back on the floor. And we know that! But we should also know that everybody, every single person has a bad fall or several falls over the course of their life. Enjoy the trip! But what have you got? Take a full accounting of what you are in possession of, or who you know that can help you, or what resources you possess that can aid you. And if you don’t actually possess these things, then you have to get in contact with people who do have resources. And that’s all well and good, however, please don’t overlook the greatest gift you have been given, your mind. Stop selling yourself short and realize you got to this position by making choices. Yeah, okay, fine, maybe some bad choices, maybe a lot of really crummy ones, but you had the intellect to make those crappy choices. What you have to do now is re-educate yourself to have the information to make better (read: healthier) choices.

3. Trust. Yeah, this is a tough one. They say, “Once burned, twice shy.” A lot of time a major cause for people falling back into a previously treated behavior is a lack of people around them to hold them accountable. And why are there no people? Because they don’t trust them. They have projected their energies onto a false belief that if one person is like that, all people are like that. If that one guy did that to you, then all guys are just no good. If group of a different race than yours did something to you, then the whole race is like that. That’s racism, by the way. Trust is required. Again, I’m not going to get fancy with the, “Whys” because it is just going to have to happen. Different opinion? You’re wrong. Save your time and work on the “How” of this to start rebuilding.

4. A Plan. Think of it as driving around without a map. If you rely on strangers, who don’t know the reason for your destination, you won’t make it there alive. You’ll get side-tracked off your own needs by impulses and people who are more than happy to feed them. You don’t want that, really. You are going to have to learn who has the information you want. There is a lot of information out there. This is, after all, the information age. But have you perused the internet? It’s a toilet. With a click you can participate in sex acts, buy illegal drugs, and throw away a fortune on junk. The world is the three-dimensional internet. In other words, it’s real. So it takes more work than a click to fulfill your impulses. That’s where boundaries, priorities and self-worth come in. And you don’t know what these things are until you find out yourself. You’ll need a map. But you gotta know how to read a map, you gotta know where you’re going, and you have to understand where you came from. That is what you got! Use it to propel you to where you want to go. So, make a plan on what you want. Improve my money situation, work on my social skills, get out of this dead-end job, get out of this neighborhood, or get away from this group of people I call “friends.”

5. Journal. (Please see my Post on “How to Journal for practical steps and applications to this) You can best manage your journey by journaling. You can see where you’ve been and target where you are going. When I was a kid, we would travel back and forth between Dallas and Houston. Because of the Energy Crisis, President Nixon dropped the national speed limit to 55 mph. (Much to the chagrin of Sammy Hagar.) To my little prepubescent ADHD brain, it was a mind-numbing 4 or 5 hour trip. Hammered flat prairie lands without even a decent Stuckey’s to provide a nutlog or bathroom. To break this monotony, I would count the mile markers. You know, those little green signs posted every mile. On I-45 they start at the Galveston Seawall and count up from there. With my face plastered against the backseat window of our canary-yellow ’65 Chevy Impala, I would count them as they rolled by, “187….188….189.” eventually we made it to our destination. And because I kept count of the passing miles, I was aware of where we were on the journey. I didn’t rely on others (my parents) to tell me where we were or how much longer.

Journaling does that. It helps you keep track of all parts of the trip. All journeys have three parts, Beginning, Middle and End. In other words, where you started, where you are, and where you are going. When it comes to the “Where you started part’, don’t go all the way back to when you were born. Details are sketchy there. Only go so far back as when you started making these choices or when negative repercussions became noticeable. And what is the “End”? That should be a goal and the goal is not perfection or everything is perfect. It’s more like, a step. And when that step feels like you’ve got it, then that’s the end. And then you start on a new journey with this new information and attitude.

6. Call in Friends. This is the accountability partner aspect of a friend relationship. It’s not used or obvious all the time, but it is a foundational aspect of all mature, long-term relationships. But don’t expect them to fix your problems. They are there to give you a break, a breath of fresh air, a new perspective. What time with them would look like is, a concert, a cup of coffee, camping, sports, and yes, an open, nonjudgmental ear you can bend from time to time. I say time to time. Don’t lean too heavily on people who are your friends. If you have real problems, get professional help. Don’t have friends? Be a friend! Get into social situations, church, coffee shops, sports, hobbies and Meetups.

7. Get Some Sleep. Sleep well, at the right time in a safe place that you can rely on being there tomorrow and the next day. Sleeping at different times of day can lead to higher anxiety, sleep disturbances and shorter life span.

8. Repeat. In other words. If you get it right or wrong, and you put your head on the pillow at night, be ready to do it again in the morning. Right or wrong. “His mercies are new every morning.” So give yourself a break, if God does, what makes you so special?

You’ll be fine, if you keep going. You’ll only lose when you quit.

So don’t quit.

I’m Ivor Chester, The Had Enough Guy.

Had enough?

Contact me for your free initial consultation.