As a therapist and life coach with 24 years in psych, a common question I get asked by patients and their families is, “After this, how do I start again?” As if there is no possible way to recover from this latest of setbacks. The see no options, they have no faith in God or themselves, they have no hope.
Also, a critical error of thinking involves the belief that they somehow require permission to start again, or for that matter to start anything at all! The truth is, you are expected to start over…daily! The problem is often people view failure as terminal and quit something after a few tries. Imagine, if there was someone who followed you around as said, “No, no, we’ll have none of that! Just stop what you’re doing and go sit over there.” You’d question their authority, or at least you better! You’d say, “Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do?”
But you do this to yourself! You talk yourself out of all kinds of possibilities with negative self-talk every day! I have a mantra that says, “If it’s not alright for me to say it to you, it’s not alright for You to say to You!” The only reason people talk trash to you is because you’re already talking trash to yourself! So, over the years, I’ve developed these 7 Steps to Restarting Your Life for people to get out of the ditch and back in the fast lane.
1. Have The Dream
Weird, huh? But if you blow through this step, you will never make it to the end successfully. If a dream for you is to “Do better.” That doesn’t propel people out of bed (step 3) It’s gotta be a something that makes you hungry for it or angry that you don’t have it yet! Swimming in the Aegean Sea, writing that book, meeting that person who inspires you, whatever it is, it’s yours. You own it, you cherish it, you protect it, it’s yours.
2. Make a Plan
What does this look like. Start small. Not because you can’t handle more, but for the same reasons a staircase has many stairs. Step by step. Martin Luther King said, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” Don’t over think, that’s a ditch you can easily get mired in. As a basic test, make it something like, get up early and walk the dog or drop a note to a friend, make breakfast for your family (not warm a pop tart), even better, read your Bible or a motivational book. Try organizing your calendar or contacts. Set your alarm early for the next day, make a list of things to do, set one, just one single goal for that day then get up and do it! Remember a dream without a plan is just a wish! And then post it somewhere where you and perhaps others, will see it. It stays under your eyes, in your head and on your mind.
3. Get up!
Mind over mattress. I’m on a rant these days about the art of Execution! In other words, actually getting the job done. Success is many things but it always has a point of origin. To everyone, that means the day you begin again will be different that all the others because you’re no longer driftwood, you’re a speedboat! You’re no longer going along with the tide, you’re making waves! The moment you become intentional, you’re ahead of most of the people on the planet. Now, if you are struggling with depression or unemployment, this step is critical! It becomes a matter of just having more faith in God or yourself than in the moment and get out of bed.
You ask, “Why?” and the answer is because change never happens at rest. Newton’s First Law of Motion states that, “A body at rest will remain at rest, and a body in motion will remain in motion.” Set mini-goals in place for every task. Say to yourself, “This is me getting out of bed.” Then, “I’m going to put some music on and take a shower.” And then, “Now, I’m going to fix me some eggs, toast, maybe some bacon!” (okay, maybe just eggs and toast.) But whatever it is, make the effort to make Day-One a different day than all the rest. It will be known as the day you actually started doing what you wanted.
4. Check Your Plan
Remember your plan? Remember where you put it? By the bed, on the fridge, backside of the bathroom door, on the car seat, at your work station, a note on your phone or pad. Remember to do this step several times a day to keep you focused and on target.
5. Do The Plan!
Sound dumb-basic? A large percentage of people who make it this far, never get beyond this point. Why, they lack the ability to execute the plan. The very plan they, themselves created, agreed to and posted. If you get stuck at this point, one reason may be your goal is too vague. For example, to lose weight, is noble but not specific and lacks a time of completion. A more successful goal is to lose10 pounds in 30 days that includes the “how” as well. And remember this, “Once you have your why, the how is less important.” Or as Michael Hyatt says, “When you’ve lost your why, you’ve lost your way”.
Another reason people get stuck is the “Why” isn’t big enough. In other words, they haven’t created enough excitement about the goal to motivate them to action. You gotta make it big here folks! (See Step 1).
6. Check for Results
Document your progress at least 3 times a week to keep you accountable and on target. An excellent way to do this is journaling. You don’t have to be a Hemingway here, this is you. And that’s enough to spend time putting your thoughts down to reference later to monitor progress. You could make a scale of 1 to 7 on anything from caloric intake, how many times you take the Lord’s name in vain to negative thoughts. Over a few weeks, on most goals, you should see improvements. If not, return to step one and try again. How often will you need to start over? How many ya want?
7. Repeat
That’s what I said and that’s what you do. And you do this for anything you want to succeed at. Learning another language, building an app, playing a musical instrument, your choice, or your limits.
Is it really this simple? Yes, if you keep it that way. Some people can make a glass of water difficult. Don’t over think, that shows fear. The art of taking necessary risks is the spice of life and a sure way to create regret later on. Have the dream, do the research, and take the leap!
Satish Mutyala says
Great read.
I always forgot the step 6, to check thd results achieved to progress further.
Thank you for sharing.
Thanks
Ivor Chester says
Like anything we struggle to change, it’s a process.